So I know that we all want to have great sex. And probably more of it, am I right? I believe sex and intimacy are vital parts of every relationship. Yet we struggle to get what we want in the bedroom.
I want to keep this super simple and actionable, for you to walk away with steps you can take RIGHT NOW to have better sex and a deeper connection with your sexual partners. Here we go…
1. Good sex starts out of the bedroom.
Hang in with me here! To have good sex, you need to be able to ask what you want (and know what you want, which is probably a whole other blog post). Those conversations need to happen BEFORE the sexy times begin.
Getting mid-foreplay and realising you have no idea what your partner likes is confronting. Having a conversation right there and then can be challenging at best and a turn off at worst. Have conversations before getting down and dirty around what you want, need and don't enjoy in the bedroom. Set boundaries, introduce kinks, discuss previous experiences if needed and decide on contraception (and yes, that is a two-way convo as well). Make it fun and light, maybe over a glass of wine and nibbles, in a relaxed environment. Listen actively and talk vulnerably. This will set the scene for your sex life!
2. Good sex starts with purposeful, present foreplay
This is often my favourite part of sex, something that I am grateful to indulge in with a primary partner who gets it. I know many sex advice resources harp on about foreplay, so I am not going to talk you through it. I do want to emphasis the present and purposeful part though. Show up with your partner. Don't be rushing to the next part, stay with it. Be playful, have fun exploring each other's bodies. This might be as far as you get (sex doesn't have to always be focused on the big O). If you do plan on moving on, make the foreplay purposeful. Get things gently warmed up, so to speak. Focus on the areas that will be in use, not just the clitoris or the penis. Explore G-Spots, full body massage and touching and get the good quality lube ready and warm.
3. Good sex isn't necessarily about the end result
There is much more to good sex than orgasm, although they are also great. Good sex to me is about connection, to yourself and your partner, and leaning in to the experience. Make sure you check in with yourself whilst you are fucking, where is your head at? Show up for your partner/s and yourself. If you find your mind wandering onto dinner or work or any other bullshit, bring it back. Focus on your breath, the sensations in your body.
Be in it, moment by moment, not just for orgasm. Taking the pressure off by not simply focusing on cumming makes it a much more enjoyable experience for everyone too. If you can't climax, be grateful for what did feel good, the sensations, the connection, the nakedness, the quality time, the kisses and the touching. Every sexual encounter is a new opportunity to get creative and expressive, no experience is wasted.
4. Good sex comes from good communication throughout
Give your partner some encouragement! Let them know when you're feeling great, talk to them about how amazing their body is and how much you love fucking them. Likewise, let them know if something doesn't feel good (don't just put up with it). Obviously coming from love when you say this!
I'm all for dirty talk, this can be a time to encourage them to do what you told them you enjoyed before you got naked. They may need some gentle pushing in the right direction, so make it fun and relaxed. Laugh together and remember, there is no perfect sex. 5. Good sex comes from practice
SO, go on! It's not too late to learn about pleasure, to talk about what you want in the bedroom and to spice up your sex life. Be curious, have fun and show up to have the best sex of your life! If you want to be having better, more connected sex, we offer individual and couples coaching. Book a free call with us NOW to start getting what you want in bed.
Author: Cindra Banks
Insta: @consciouscouplescoaching
