MARRIAGE ISN'T A BALL AND CHAIN...
Long term commitments aren't a full stop. They are the beginning of something expansive, moving and growing.
The old paradigm of getting married (or entering into a long term commitment with someone) is that you get comfortable and lazy. Content. Which is cute and enjoyable for a time, however it's not the way to enjoy a sustainable and sexy future together.
The new paradigm for long term relationships is, let's expand and take this to the limits. Let's play and explore. Let's not sit back and let this thing die. Let's keep the energy alive!
Marriage takes work, we all know that, but most of us avoid it. We have done the work, tied the knot, finished. And this is where the disconnection and resentment begins.
Our commitment means we have to show up and do the work and continue to challenge each other and ourselves. I think we are actually having hotter and wilder sex now than in our honeymoon period. Actually, Luke and I have had more sexual experiences since we have been married than when we were single!
Together, we had our first threesome, foursome and orgy at a sex club. We have had naughty one night stands and fucked in the back of cars and outdoors on parachute ramps with other humans. We've received the dirtiest of messages from new playmates and had all kinds of explorative experiences with our same sex partners. It's been wild.
Long term relationships can create that safe space to play and explore, to try new things, to push ourselves out of what is comfortable because we have that container to fall back into. You need to constantly ask yourself, what do I want? What do I need? And go after that, with honest and open communication and action. If you're marriage or long term relationship has gotten a bit stale in the sex department, talk about it! It's okay! You can change if you want to. However, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Make marriage sexy and fun and see it as a journey, not a destination. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to open your relationship up either. You can have hot sex by trying new positions, adding kink or BDSM play into it, up-skilling your head game (see our tutorials for that), mastering dirty talk and so many other ways. Personally, we educated ourselves around tantra and added breath play, edging and semen retention into our repertoire. We also invested in a shibari (rope play) private class, bought glass pleasure wands and butt plugs, ceramic dildos and all kinds of weird and wonderful intimacy tools to add to our collection! Don't keep doing the same three moves over and over again when there is a whole world of sex to explore, especially in your long term relationship.
Author: Cindra Banks
Insta: @consciouscouplescoaching
